Sunday, August 16, 2009

it's already been a while, i'm so bad at this.

Hello again,

It has been quite some time since my last post, and because of that I think I'm going to take a different direction. One that is more...forward thinking. This direction, I believe, will help me to start taking real ownership over my life and become a man. I'm very close to being one I feel, but I still feel terribly hindered. Thus, I will need several things to move into the next phase of my life.

Those who know me already know that I plan on moving to New York City to pursue my music career more fully. I plan on doing this ASAP. I want to move quickly, but I'm learning that it may be better for me to ease into it. This means that I will have to do several things first; first, I need to move out of my parent's house. This is not just for the sake of being able to do whatever I feel like when I feel like it, although that is certainly part of it. This is because I need to know how to really be on my own. In college, I never held a serious job that paid normal wages for living. I lived in the dormitorys (residence halls) all four years and didn't stray to the personal freedom a lot of my friends did. While I regret this in part, this was the best path toward me considering I have had to fight to stay in school financial because I have a rather deadbeat father...

Anyway, I can't just throw myself out into the jungle of New York City without having any idea what it costs to live, or rather what it is to truly take care of yourself. I figure, like most things I figure, it'll be easy. I've learned over the years that this is a trap my mind plays on me and causes me to lapse into laziness. Unfortunately, the real world is far less forgiving in this regard (I now send my kindest regards to professors and various teachers who have had to deal with my distinct brand of lazy). I cannot go on the way I have been going on, i.e. winging it. I mean, I'm dreadfully good at winging it, but for me to become who I want to be it will take a lot more effort on my part. I cannot expect to coast. I can coast once I have built up enough coasting materials, but more on that later. The point of this paragraph is I need to grow up.

Next, I need some financial indepence and get use to the idea of having bills. It means I have to budget and I can't indulge in my sickness of compulsively buying records because they are awesome. I have to figure out how to expand my collect, my number of instruments, my number of clothes, or anyhting else without breaking myself and turning into a starving artist who is actually starving most days. The point here, I need to figure out this money thing until I have enough not to care.

Next, I need to learn how to cook more things because I can't just live off of italian food and burgers everyday...this is self-explanatory.

Next, I need to learn how to properly prioritize my time and efforts and not neglect my music. You would have thought I learned this in college, but I made pretty good grades without doing stuff ahead of time and worked best under pressure. I can't be this lax in the real world. I have to get shit done, to put it quite simply and colloquially.

Last, I need to learn how to consistently make good choices and to really pursue my passion. I won't have a lot of time outside of work and music for foolishness...i'm trying to avoid babies and diseases, among other things. This doesn't mean I won't date, but even if I end up in a relationship I cannot let it keep me from New York. It's very important for me to follow through. I HAVE TO, if I'm going to make it. I have the natural talent, but I need to build my chops and I need to be able to handle hardships that are my choice. This means using wisdom and learning from where I do mess up.

I think that's pretty good for now. Later.

-The Contridiction

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